Washington DC - (Rotters): Department of Homeland Insecurity officials admitted today that the President's controversial wiretap programme targeted the Amish community because the Reverend Pat Robertson convinced Mr Bush that the acetic reclusives had done a secret deal with a cell phone provider and were plotting to oust him.
Over $50 billion of US taxpayers' money was spent on illicit covert operations to bug the simple-living draft-dodging Anabaptists after surveiilance reports showed anti-conscription lobby groups were behind the conspiracy.
Much of this money was channelled into planting microphones into part-completed quilts that Amish women were working on and bugging the buggies that are used for transport.
The eventual failure of the Amish wiretap operation was put down to satelitte malfunction after a part of the International Space Station extension was irretrievably trashed by furious tug-of-love wacko Captain Lisa Nowak who attacked her love rival in outer space over her obsession with the ISS's Commander Oelfeline.
Pat Robertson is 73.