Written by tprasad23
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Thursday, 22 February 2007

image for 8th grade jock outsources bullying to Indian exchange student
Sal's gonna mess you up, mother b*tch.

Westport, OH: To the shock of the Westport Middle school, 15 year old Richard Moir has outsourced nearly 50% of his bully activities to Srinath Venkatasendhilaramanipillai, an exchange student from Coimbatore, India. Although he was at first reluctant to give up his duties, Moir felt he had no choice. He explained: "10 nerds had enough money for lunch for their own lunch last week, and I only got around to giving three wedgies."

He blames the slippage on simply being spread too thin. Moir gave a rundown of a typical day: Lacrosse and football practice, hanging out at the mall, and spending time with the most popular girls in school. He adds, "With all that, bullying has just taken a back seat."

Moir chose Srinath because, unlike other students of Indian descent, he was merely an average student academically, but was well recommended in a bully-like practice known as "ragging." In addition to ragging's similarity to his own craft, Moir found Srinath was willing to work into the evening hours more often, forgoing his rightful privileges to exclusive 8th grade parties.

Cultural gaps have proven to be non-trivial. As Srinath approached his first victim he demanded his "tiffin" money, causing him to laugh uncontrollably. After that incident, Moir provided a basic primer in Western-style adolescent intimidation, and insisted he use the name "Sal" while bullying.

Having left his home country for a few short months, Srinath wishes more students in India had access to a versatile set of opportunities he does. He said, "America is the land of opportunity, but not just for computer programmers."

As he gains momentum and credibility amongst his colleagues, Srinath reiterates his commitment to quality, "I'll strive to ensure each nerd receives as authentic a beat down as possible."

However, many bullies criticize Moir's actions as "selling out." 13 year old James Dodd, wide receiver, wears a T-shirt saying, "I'll whop your ass, the American way." Dodd has also worked with some of his former nerd victims, overlooking their athletic and academic differences. Max Klein, computer lab assistant, says, "Even though it's easy to hire someone overseas, it's not the same. I've gotten hundreds of wedgies, sorry, it's just not the same when Srinath does it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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