Ever since TheSpoof.com ran the article that the American eagle is suffering from depression, the US Senate has been searching for a new mascot. Auditions were held on capitol Hill and the line-up of mascot applicants was truly impressive!
Tony the Tiger roared his usual "Ggggrrreat!" but the new Demo-Majority said it reminded them too much of cheerleader Bush on his multiple wars. Ronald McDonald and his cast of trademark characters were rejected for their profound contribution to childhood obesity.
When the Senate was reminded by Ted Kennedy who knew Ben, that Ben Franklin proposed the Wild Turkey as the symbol of the new nation, they almost bit. Kennedy himself declared from the floor of the Senate that he had a particular fondness for Wild Turkey. A significant minority liked the connection of triptophan and the narcotization of the American people.
In the end the majority went with the sheep.
The summary statement after the vote read: "These US citizens when given regularly 3 hots and a cot, with a semi-reliable pension thrown in, will follow you to war, tax cuts for the rich, and the rape of the Earth...just like SHEEP!"