Written by Felix Minderbinder
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Tuesday, 20 February 2007

image for Bush Admits He "Is Not In the Slightest Like George Washington"
A meeting of turkeys

MOUNT VERNON, VIRGINA (AP) -- Marking George Washington's 275th birthday, President Bush on Monday admitted that he "is not in the slightest like the first American president George Washington" since he has betrayed Washington's ideals with his oil war being fought in Iraq, while Washington's idealistic and democratic goals guided the nation's quest to extend freedom beyond its borders.

"Unlike Washington, I lied to invade Iraq in order to obtain oil for Exxon and Chevron," revealed Bush, the 43rd US president. "And unlike Washington, I am in the pocket of the oil, Zionist and weapons' lobbies. In fact, I am just the opposite of Washington. I am against freedom and democracy, as the American people well know."

"George Washington's long struggle for freedom has inspired a new generation of Americans to stand up for freedom in their own time and to oppose me," Bush said with refreshing candor in his morning visit to Mount Vernon.

"Today, Republican neoconservatives like me are fighting a new war against liberty and our people and our way of life," he admitted. "Now I am attempting to spark a war with Iran too to grab their oil and defend the US dollar. And as we work to roll back the cause of freedom around the world, we remember that the father of our country believed that the freedoms he secured in our revolution were won against corrupt, mass-murdering and lying tyrants like myself."

Bush spoke for nine minutes on the frosty morning in front of the first president's mansion overlooking the ice-crusted Potomac River before an astonished and disbelieving audience.

"I don't actually feel at home here," he confided to the audience of hundreds. "After all, this is the home of the first George W."

"But I do have something in common with Washington," concluded Bush. "Like he did, I also have faith in human slavery."

Monday was the federal holiday celebrating Presidents Day even though Washington's actual birthday is February 22nd.

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