The White House announced today that President Bush had two suspicious moles removed from his left temple in a procedure called a shave biopsy. These moles are expected to be non-cancerous and Washington insiders report that Bush will likely appoint the two pieces of shaved skin to top Cabinet level positions. The larger mole is expected to assume the role of ambassador to the United Nations and the smaller mole will likely be appointed as the new FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Administration) Director.
Bush expects swift Senate confirmation of these two moles. "After all, they're a chip -hey -hey - hey off the old block!" he chuckled, "A piece of me will be involved in all decision making from now on 'cuz after all I'm the Decider!"
Senate leaders have quietly debated the veracity of a mole serving in public office, but a technical interpretation of the Constitution suggests that the moles do present an exact DNA replica of the president and therefore can be viewed as an extension of his executive powers.
In a public show of confidence for his appointees, President Bush appeared today in the Rose Garden with his excised moles. He flung his arm around the smaller FEMA appointee and declared, "Brownie, you're doing a great job!"
Copyright 2007, K. Napolitano