Written by R. Mejia
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Topics: Language, pets

Saturday, 17 February 2007

image for Dog Acquires Language, Reveals Family Secrets
He wishes he'd never opened his mouth

The news that Rex, a seemingly normal dog from Madison, Wisconsin, was recently granted speech took a bizarre twist yesterday when a throng of angry neighbors gathered at the front gate of the Marsh family home. The 50 or 60 agitated adults and children were hurling epithets at the house, where the family could be seen hunkered down with their amazing dog behind the curtains inside.

It seems Rex, upon acquiring his new skill, had noticed people always liked to hear things about themselves and in a misguided effort at human conversation, wasted no time making the rounds of his neighbors, stating to them without compunction all the things his owners had been muttering over the last 7 years.

"I DO use deodorant!" yelled Bob Martin. "What do you mean you don't like my brownies?" shouted one angry woman, the official neighborhood welcomer. "My butt is NOT big!" yelled another woman. "My kids do NOT look like Spongebob and Crusty" screeched another. "We LIKE the color pink, we think our shutters look great!" proclaimed the Walshes from across the street. "Yeah, and we did NOT pay too much for our house!" shouted the newest neighbor on the block, Mr. Jacobsen.

When the family was reached for comment, Rex who had newly appointed himself the family's spokesperson, stated slyly, "We really are sorry for any inconvenience my words may have caused. In the future, I will only share those things I have heard which will cause no embarrassment to anyone. However, please remember, though I may not have had speech, I was in fact able to see. And believe me, I saw some things! I might tell you about some of them. If you ask me nicely"

Copyright 2007, R. Mejia

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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