Grand Bahama Island - Mothers everywhere breathed a collective sigh of relief this morning when Undergarment inspectors form the United Nations Clean Undergarment Compliance Agency in the Bahamas declared that Ms Smith was indeed wearing clean undergarments at the time of her untimely expiration.
All of this despite the fact that no cause of death has been determined yet by forensic scientists working feverishly in Florida to determine the cause of expiration. Scientist working on the autopsy complain that there is so much plastic and silicon that they have to dig through that they are having great difficulty finding any organic remains that could be used to take samples from - including DNA .
A red faced Bahamian member of the Undergarment patrol dug hundreds of dollar coins he luckily had just won from the tray of a slot machine in the Grande Casino. He wanted to remain anonymous and whispered that if Anna's anatomy had contained more than 1% organic matter that perhaps her shorts would not have been found to have been so spectacularly clean. He said he had arrived at this conclusion because of all the black and blue marks all over her body. When asked if these marks were from ill placed eye make up he said, "No - it is from people handling her with ten foot poles".
Back in the United States on the Oparah Television Show Nancy Raygun sat in front of millions of television viewers crying and admitting finally that she and Anna N Smith had been lovers for the last two years and that now that Anna was gone she would have no one to get stoned with everyday on their favorite cocktail combo of vicadin and gin martinis. Oparah was stunned and cried out, " what about all of that just say no stuff you and Ronnie used to preach about ?" to which Nancy replied, "Oh please - you know that we assume the masses will practice what WE preach to them and after all we are Patricians and above all of that.... she was cut off by Oparah who laughingly said - "Oh come on Nancy - I'm with you on all of that and you know I was just pulling your leg" and at this point she was cut off by a Depends undergarment commercial...