Written by Steve Shaw
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Topics: School, Cocaine

Sunday, 28 December 2003

LAKEWOOD, CA-Richard Burton, a local high school student has reported to his friends and family that he has successfully released himself from the grip of a marijuana habit which had held him so tightly throughout his tenth and eleventh grade years.

"It wasn't really that hard to kick it," said Burton to reporters yesterday. "All I did was start up on cocaine and I slowly but surely got myself off weed. It's been great!"

"We're just so proud of him," said Adam and Leslie Burton, Richard's parents. "I used to have to sit him down and tell him just how bad weed was for him, and he would roll his eyes and blow me off." Said his father. "But now that he's found cocaine, he can't stop telling me how foolish he was wasting all those years with marijuana."

Burton spoke briefly about the pain he went through to rid himself of his old habit. "At first I didn't really want to drop it, but I knew deep down that there were much better things in store for me along the course of my life, so I took the plunge and gave up my weed for coke."

In an off-ear comment, Burton also noted that he would probably break his cocaine habit with heroin sometime in the near future.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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