United States President George W. Bush revealed today that the Administration has evidence that Saddam Hussein was responsible for the complete destruction of the planet earlier this year.
"It was a devastating attack, resulting in the total annihilation of the planet," said Wegman ‘Pudgy' Waterhouse, an unnamed source inside the White House, " Every man, woman and child was killed including Saddam Hussein himself. There wasn't a building left standing. I'm surprised more people didn't notice."
Waterhouse continued, " When faced with that kind of overwhelming carnage the president, who, as a result of standing shoulder to shoulder with the American people was also killed, felt he had no choice, even though he was dead, to attack Iraq and destroy it a second time, the first being when Saddam destroyed it, of course."
The attack was said to have happened on the 1st of January, 2003 at 5:04 AM EST while most Americans were sleeping off their New Years revelries, a contributing factor to the lack of awareness to the end of the world. In Europe the simultaneous attack occurred at 3 in the afternoon, a discrepancy still unexplained by the Bush Administration who, if pressed, can point out Europe on a map but still can't figure out time zones.
The President was quoted as saying, " While it's true that every American has been dead for some time now, I'm sure we all feel safer now that Saddam is in Coalition custody. In fact, the lack of world wide support for my ambitions of global domination can be put down to the fact that it's hard to get dead people excited about too much."
When asked why most Americans still haven't noticed that they've been dead for almost a year, Waterhouse replied, " Well, of course we all got better since then, haven't we? Don't be so dense."