In a surprise move, George W. Bush named former Astronaut Lisa Nowak to head the IRS, FEMA and the Border Patrol. Before Nowak can assume her duties she must be cleared of any charges in the "Diapergate" incident.
When asked what happens if Nowak is convicted, Bush stated "Depends. If the charge is attempted murder, she only gets the IRS job. I will pardon her of any and all charges. With the tax deadline comin' up, we need someone who has the drive to increase collections. As far as FEMA, Lisa has shown she knows how to deal with emergencies. And if she can drive 900 miles from Houston to Orlando wearin' a diaper, patrollin' the border shouldn't be a problem. If nothin' else the smell will make 'em turn around and go the other way".
Turning to the beaming Nowak, Bush's ended the Press Conference by declaring: "Wak-y yer doin' a heckuva job"!