Kansas - (Ass mess): Creationists, evolution deniers and promoters of intelligent design were been given the cold shoulder by the State of Kansas education board last night after months of pressure to allow the wholesale brainwashing of children by the undermining of Charles Darwin's theories:
A spokesman for the board said: "The bugger issue is the cultural divide.
"The intelligent design people are homophobic nutters. The anti-evolution people are evil brainwashers in the pay of the Reverend Pat Robertson's Protein-Defying Ageing Pancake Company.
"They're all descendats of incestuous relationships between homo sapiens, apes and cross-breeds from over 50,000 years ago.
"If you don't believe me just ask for George Bush's DNA from the Justice Department and compare it to Bush Senior."
The successful 6-4 vote last night marks a turning point for Kansas which in the last few years acquired a distinctly unsavory reputation for peddling crap to innocent young minds.