Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 14 February 2007

image for Nancy Reagan dragged into Zsa Zsa husband's Anna Nicole baby fiasco
Zsa Zsa Gabor is now 90 and in no mood to be dumped

Florida - (Rotters): Oblivious to the embarassment that he has heaped on his wife Zsa Zsa Gabor over paternity claims to Anna Nicole Smith's baby daughter Dannielynn, feckless wannabe teutonic prince and former sauna/massage parlor manager Hans Robert Lichtenberg - a.k.a. Prince Frederick Von Assfelt - has now managed to drag Nancy Reagan into the fiasco.

This has prompted a panicking CIA to resurrect his security file entry about some phoney rocks obtained from Nancy Reagan that he used fifteen years ago as bait in an attempt to procure himself a German castle and an ancient dukedom.

The agency mounted a surveillance operation on Lichtenberg shortly after his 1987 marriage of convenience to Gabor when Ronald Reagan complained of being blackmailed about some disgusting sordid personal secrets of which Gabor had film footage.

"It was a Hollywood thing during the shooting of Zsa Zsa's Queen of Outer Space movie. Ronald had been pretty damned careless with some pre-adolescent shoe-shine boys. Ms Gabor got lucky with her cine camera. Best investment she ever made according to her fifth, sixth and seventh husbands", said an insider source.

And now that footage - believed to be locked in a Swiss bank vault - is at the heart of Zsa Zsa's predicament as the CIA file reviews how Nancy tried to bribe Gabor into handing over the offensive material by plying her with what turned out to be paste jewelery.

Then in a sick twist Von Assfelt then tried to press the baubles on to the Mayor of a Saxony town where the ancestral dukedom to which he is pretender has its castle.

But worse still there was a personal letter of recommendation from Ronald and Nancy Reagan accompanying the glass and aluminium bling. Von Assfelt presented this as a sweetener when bribing German town hall officials into handing over property documents relating to the ducal pile, worth an estimated $20 million.

And now Howard K Stern - Anna Nicole's lawyer, partner and possible father of her baby daughter Dannielynn - has managed to get a copy of the Reagan letter that was used along with the fake sparklers to enrich Von Assfelt and his ageing starlet wife Zsa Zsa.

At the President George Herbert Bush Center For Intelligence (sic) in Langley, Virginia, former CIA heads are being recalled from mothballs as the Stern/Anna Nicole poker game enters a new ante-up stage.

Spooks have been ordered by Bush1 and Bush2 to initiate a damage limitation exercise to protect Nancy Reagan whose own lawyers have laid it on the line that if Stern makes the letter public and Von Assfelt publishes the cine footage it's won't be Iraqi insurgents or Iranian mullahs that the seat of American government has most to fear, but the American people as forty years of covering up Ronald Reagan's darkest years is laid bare before the public.

Zsa Zsa Gabor is 90.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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