The Bush Administration, now that Saddam Hussein has been captured, has been putting together a list of countries and individuals that are next to be targeted for attack and destruction. An unnamed Administration official ( Wegman ‘Pudgy' Waterhouse ) has sent the list along to this reporter under conditions of strictest confidence.
"The list is going to be pretty extensive," Waterhouse reports, " what I've got so far is really just a drop in the bucket. I tell you, this is a major global housecleaning."
The list, while targeting all the usual suspects, i.e.: North Korea, France, Germany, Iran and Syria, also has some surprising names on it. A sampling of these less than obvious enemies of the state are as follows:
Edinburgh, Scotland... apparently when Donald Rumsfeld was in grammar school he misidentified Edinburgh as the capitol of Finland, costing him in his words, " An A+ in my Geography course and a chance to feel up Clara Gershon's boobies in the cloakroom. She just laughed at me. Oh, god."
Finland and Clara Henderson, nee: Gershon of Ames, Iowa. See above.
Dick Cheney's mother in law.... for the obvious reasons.
Secretary Of State Colin Powell... for being, in the words of Condoleezza Rice, "a bit too uppity".
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez.... for the movie Gigli. Actually, this one has my support.
The staff of Buckingham Palace... for making George Bush feel stupid during his visit in November ‘03 whenever he heard English spoken properly.
The entire nation of Canada... In the words of John Ashcroft, "just because it might be fun."
The nation of Belize...not slated for destruction, only take over so that the Administration can have a place to frolic naked in the sun.
As more of this list becomes available this reporter will forward onto the readers of Spoof magazine so that they may best be prepared to weather the upcoming storms.