Written by Blind Fool -••-
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Topics: Disney, Mickey mouse

Friday, 26 December 2003

image for War Erupts At Disney World
The President and First Lady enjoying a moment of frivolity shortly before the war started.

After the Seven Dwarves Security Council had passed resolution after resolution to force Donald Duck, ducktator of Frontierland, to allow weapons inspections in his part of the theme park, President Mickey Mouse ordered an invasion by Main Street USA troops.

Following is a portion of President Mickey's earlier speech concerning the invasion:

"Good evening, ha ha. Oh boy, earlier, I ordered Main Street USA's armed forces to strike toy soldier and Lemon-Chill kiosk targets in Frontierland. They are joined by Tomorrowland forces.

Their mission is to attack Frontierland's itchy, slippery and gooey gag-weapons programs and its toy soldier capacity to threaten its patrons. Their purpose is to protect the interest of Main Street USA, and indeed the interests of people throughout that side of the park and around all of Walt Disney World.

Donald Duck must not be allowed to threaten his neighbors or Disney World with itch powder, banana peels or gooey syrup.

I want to explain why I have decided, with the unanimous recommendation of my animation staff, to use farce in Frontierland; why we have acted now; and what we aim to accomplish, ha ha.

Six weeks ago, Donald Duck announced that he would no longer cooperate with the Seven Dwarves gag-weapons inspectors called 7DSCOM. They are highly professional experts from several locations throughout the park.

Their job is to oversee the elimination of Frontierland's capability to retain, create and use gag-weapons of mass discombobulation, and to verify that Frontierland does not attempt to rebuild that capability. The inspectors undertook this mission first 7.5 months ago at the end of the Pirates of the Caribbean War when Frontierland agreed to declare and destroy its arsenal as a condition of the cease-fire.

The Disney World community had good reason to set this requirement. Other park areas possess gag-weapons of mass discombobulation and cupcake missiles. With Donald, there is one big difference: He has used them. Not once, but repeatedly. Unleashing pastry weapons against Adventureland toy soldiers during a week-long war.

Not only against toy soldiers, but against costumed characters and patrons, firing banana-split missiles at the the Jungle Cruise, Swiss Family Treehouse, Enchanted Tiki Room, Shrunken Ned's Junior Jungle Boats, and the Magic Carpets of Aladdin.

And not only against a foreign enemy but even against his own characters and patrons, gooing the Country Bear Jamboree area in Northern Frontierland."

President Mouse also stated that Main Street USA intelligence has informed him that Donald Duck has itch powder, a highly irritating substance that when used can cause a great amount of scratching and redness. Most patrons and characters agree that this form of gag must be eliminated.

There are doubters, though. Characters from the left side of the park, those mainly from Fantasyland, claim that there is no itch powder and that President Mouse is in partnership with big soda to illegally obtain Frontierland's abundance of Coke, Sprite, Dr Pepper and Root Beer.

They also claim that another excuse used to rally his followers was the 9:11am attack on the Hall of Presidents in Liberty Square. At that time, a tea-cup ride slammed into the hall, bounced off, and got stuck in a tree.

Donald Duck denies any involvement in the incident, but Mickey Mouse insists that his intelligence is solid that the ducktator was indeed involved.

Some characters have since marched to band music down Main Street USA chanting and holding signs in a rally parade against the President and his policies. Such parades have been held in other parts of Disney World as well.

To date, no itch powder has yet been discovered. But Donald's nephews, Huey, Duey and Luey, were hit with a barrage of icing squirts rendering them stuck against a wall.

And just moments ago Donald Duck was captured. He was found hiding down in the rabbit's hole in the northern part of Alice's Wonderland.

It is not known where Duck is at this time, but you can be sure that he will be questioned for any intelligence that may help in the war effort, and that many spoofs will be born of his capture.

-••-

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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