Medical Examiners in Florida revealed today, that the true cause of Anna Nicole Smith's death was due to suffocation by her own enormous breast implants. "This is the first time in history that a woman was killed by her own rack," they said.
In other parts of the country, unnamed Medical Examiners are not so sure that this is the "first" death by breast. "We have had several unexplained deaths in California that we believe may have been caused by hostile or even vindictive breast implants."
They also reported that they have been hesitant to document their finding on and official autopsy reports due to possible repercussions by colleagues. Documenting something like "Death by Breast" on a report is certain career killer. It's the equivalent of an Airline Pilot reporting a UFO sighting, or a Priest seeing Jesus.
Law Enforcement Officers agree with the Medical Examiners. Police all over the country are reporting strange stories from women complaining that their implants have "turned on them". One woman reported,"I woke up one night, and my breast was staring at me" I could see the hate in its eyes - if looks could kill, I'd be six-feet under. The next day I made an appointment to have it removed. The incident was so terrifying that I have swore off all plastic surgery."
So far there have been no reports to law enforcement involving natural breasts.
A note from the writer: I'm sorry - sometimes I just can't help myself. This story may prove, what my family has said all along: I need medication