Written by Mark Garrison
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Topics: Muslims

Monday, 12 February 2007

image for Muslims Outraged Over Cinnamon Rolls

Detroit, MI - A new poll released today showing that 8 out of every 10 Muslims are outraged has reporters, politicians, preachers, and homeless people scrambling to find new ways not to offend Muslims. The poll doesn't show a definitive reason for the outrage, just that people of Islamic faith are irate. And their latest target seems to be cinnamon rolls.

Whether it be cartoons, comments, or cinnamon rolls, the poll shows that Muslims are angry. Cinnamon rolls in particular have been the latest target of Muslim fury. While there are no known connections between cinnamon rolls and Muslim outrage, they are cited as the latest victim of the war on terror's backlash.

"Damn these cinnamon rolls and their gooey goodness" said one Muslim we spoke with who wished to remain anonymously outraged, "They're just so good! Certainly eating these would make a man perform unspeakable acts on himself and his neighbors. LALALALALALALALA!!!!" continued the angry Muslim.

While no one argues with the fact that cinnamon rolls are gooey and delicious, everyone seems to be confused as to why these amazing pastries are so offensive to paranoidal Muslims.

"They don't contain pork, they are brown, and they have icing" stated a Cinnabon company spokesman. "We cleared these things with our ethics committee a long time ago".

A full scale riot almost ensued after local residents reported seeing Muslims throwing cinnamon rolls at the First Jesus Baptist church. Baptist Minister Dayle Rogers said, "There isn't anything wrong with cinnamon rolls. I routinely slather them all over my....um....never mind." Minister Rogers then climbed to the top of his church steeple, urinated on the congregation below, and jumped to his death.

The community can only hope that Minister Rogers will be the only victim of this latest Muslim fury.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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