After the tawdry boob-fest offered by Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson at last year's Superbowl, it was hoped that the half-time entertainment, at this years Colts verses Bears clash, would be the epitome of family fun.
Alas, it was not to be and the sound of jaws hitting the floor reverberated around this once great nation of ours, as a scantily clad Britney Spears, bedecked in stars and stripes, waddled to the centre of the pitch, lay on her back and stuck a microphone up her skirt.
Worse was to come for, as America and the world watched in horror, she proceeded to whistle 'The Star Spangled Banner' using only her vagina.
The former Mousekateer grimaced and squirmed at the effort of pushing the national anthem past her vaginal lips and into the living rooms of a dumbfounded America.
The rendition was not without merit but it is this reporters' belief that a song, which embodies all that is great and good about this land, should not be besmirched by being squeezed out of the nether regions of fading pop star.
After three excruciating minutes it was over and, as the last note hung in the air like the corpse of an Iraqi dictator, another strip of dignity was ripped from the American flag.
Miss Spears left the gladiatorial field to a stony silence, while viewers everywhere were left mouthing the words, 'What the fuck was that?'
Come back Roseanne, all is forgiven.