Cape Canaveral - (Rioters): The high-tech secrets of the recently installed ISS extension have been outed as a simple love shack that NASA's robotic arm operator Captain Lisa Nowak helped to erect last December under a cloak of classified secrecy as part of her personal quest to seduce fellow astronaut and hunky Texan love-god Commander Bill Oefelein.
Initial press speculation had focused on a covert mission partnered by the station's Russians to build a deep space hydroponics skunk factory as an educational and recreational on-board facility. However this was soon discounted after pictures sent back by the Hubble telescope cofirmed that something altogether more interesting was going on up there.
The clues then started stacking up as a state of the art zero gravity-resistant king size water bed mattress was spotted in the newly built facility along with a his 'n' hers custom-built luxury S&M parlor, home video system, jacuzzi, wet-room and cocktail bar.
Access to the new erection was by coded entry only and Captain Nowak held a tight grip onto computer passwords making her the sole key holder to the facility.
But by early January this year hush-hush rumors that those encryptions had been successfully hacked into brought a shiver of alarm to her love-sick loins.
A trail of sabotage was discovered and led directly back to what Captain Nowak could only imagine must be a love rival.
And so Colleen Shipman's fate was sealed.
As she languishes in the Florida State Penitentiary awaiting trial for attempted murder of her love rival, Captain Nowak is a broken woman.
Commander Oefelein has gone into hiding after persistent reports that he has booked a one way ticket on the next Discovery trip and has no plans to return back to Earth in the forseeable future.
As for the love shack, the Russians are still working on how to hack their way out of the S&M parlor having successfully gained entry on January 2nd without checking that their encryptions also ensured an easy eventual exit.
Loser Nowak is 43.