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Wednesday, 7 February 2007

image for Man Recovering After Alleged Sexual Encounter with Condoleeza Rice
Rick Jenkins in happier times before the encounter

A Hampton, VA man was listed in stable condition after an alleged one night sexual encounter with National Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice, the Washington Post reported today.

Rick Jenkins, a 43 year old construction worker said he was simply looking for some companionship after his recent divorce.

"I just wanted to get laid", Jenkins said from his hospital bed. "I met this kinda cute black chick over at Fast Eddies in DC. I had a couple of drinks in me and, well, at that point even ugly chicks start looking good, know what I mean? So, to make a long story short this chick invites me back to her place and ties me up. At first I thought it was kinky until she pulled out the whips...then she pulled out this broom handle and...and..."

At this point Jenkins was unable to continue the interview without screaming. A nurse came in, gave Jenkins an injection and politely asked us to leave.

Some local residents say it was not Condoleeza but a well-known homicidal prostitute named "Candi" who looks exactly like Condi. Police are investigating the matter.

Condoleeza Rice strongly disputed Jenkins assertions. "I have never had sex with anyone", Rice retorted, "You gonna believe his lying construction worker ass over me?"

Doctors say Jenkins is suffering from multiple broken bones, cuts requiring several hundred stitches and anal injuries.

"The physical injuries will heal in a few months", Jenkins lawyer Harry Galiano said. "But there's gonna be a lot of psychological counseling for this man. Mr. Jenkins has dark skin and may have been mistaken for an Arab. You can be assured, we will sue."

Terms for the settlement have not yet been discussed.

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