Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Wannabe presidential hopefuls have been warned by leading political lobby group The AC/DC Style Bible that both they and their spouses had better start shedding the pounds right away because no presidential candidate has ever been elected to the White House who was fat, had a fat wife, fat kids, fat dog/cat/budgerigar/stick insect or fat anything else apart from a fat bank account and maybe a fat old slag of an intern like Santa Monica Lewinsky.
The news may come as a blow to Senator Hillary Clinton whose own brother Hugh Rodham weighs in at a massive 300lb of political liability unless emergency liposuction syphons off that blancmange ass and whale blubber beerbelly.
Former Democratic Vice-Presidential hopeful Senator John Edwards had better take note because although the US electorate has swooned over his gamine boyish good looks these may have been seriously overshadowed by the girth of his wife's backside which commentators in the UK have compared to a double decker bus dwarfing the statue of Eros at Piccaddilly Circus.
Teresa Heinz Kerry may have been a relatively svelte spouse but her fat face put many voters off especially when she opened it to utter some precious bon-mot of encouragement from her patently Republican mouth.
Monica Lewinsky herself has yet to declare any running intentions for the 2008 race despite claiming to have trimmed off 50lbs since caught giving mouth to mouth resuscitation to a cigar that her presidential admirer eventually gave to the late Yasser Arafat. And stranger choices than even Monica herself have been made by both Democrats and Republicans alike in their desperate searches for a vote winner.
Meanwhile political spread-yer-legs betting index Aintgottaprayer.com says the odds are shortening every day on fat becoming a major election issue and are happy to rake in the $$$$s on the risible political ambitions of the Senator for New York.