U.S. President George W. Bush was caught sulking in a White House hallway this afternoon. White House insiders attribute Bush's sour mood to his frustrated attempts to join the Iraq Study Group. Bush was denied entry into the study group because of his failure to meet the prerequisites of adequate leadership and a demonstrated and applied knowledge of the 9-11 Commission Report.
This last text was assigned over three years ago, but Bush's copy was recently discovered stuffed behind a pile of Halliburton promotional packets and Texas travel brochures. A source close to the White House maid who found the text reported that the binding had not yet been broken.
A former Yale professor, who did not wish to be identified, commented that Bush's behavior today struck a familiar note. The professor also suggested that U.S. citizens could create a plan for remediation that might bring the president closer to typical U.S. presidential standards.
Applying the "No Child Left Behind" doctrine, Bush would need to pass a basic United States Government and History exam. Demonstrated success with this test might allow Bush to graduate to such tasks as brokering peace, balancing a budget, and focusing on human need both here and abroad.
Bono, Sir Bob Geldof, and Wangari Maathai were mentioned as possible tutors for the chief executive.
Copyright 2007, K. Napolitano