Terrorism concerns have prompted President Bush to sign an emergency executive order to arrest and detain all three million of the nation's lite-brite toys. Lite-Brites displaying smartass cartoon characters terrorized Boston and brought the city to a standstill while police negotiators attempted to talk the electric devices down from bridges and overpasses.
A little publicized provision of the Patriot Act allows the president to arrest "games, toys, and thingamabobs" without charges and detain them indefinitely. Lite-brites may also have their batteries removed if there is an imminent national security risk.
Lite-brite manufacturer Hasbro denied rumors that the brightly colored lights were made in Pakistani madrassas.
Police and FBI agents were sweeping the country to round up all lite-brites. Several kindergarteners were arrested for obstructing police business.
Bush administration officials refused to discuss what would become of the detained toys. They did deny reports of lite-brites being tortured by having their little plastic bulbs crushed one by one.
It is believed the lite-brites will be housed in a secure warehouse at Guantanamo.
White House Press Secretary Tony Snow denied that President Bush was using lite-brite fear to raise his sagging poll numbers and divert the nation's attention from the Iraq war. "This is legitimate hysteria," he said.
Most Americans seem resigned to losing a favorite toy if it is part of the war on terrorism. "I guess they had no choice," said one twelve-year-old in Dallas. "But now my Etch-a-Sketch is starting to look pretty nervous."