More than just bells were ringing as the president decided to walk in on the New York Stock Exchange today. One CNN female reporter almost had an orgasm as the president was within five feet of her.
"Oh, my God! There he is! There he is!" she exclaimed as her seasoned veteran partner said, "Go get him!"
The president, tired of being kicked around by public opinion polls that had him at an all time low in the presidency decided to stop in and say, "hello" to his buddies down at the Stock Exchange to see if he had any fans left. And lo and behold, there were plenty.
Aside from making female CNN reporters scream, old Georgie, in a rock star's reception, gave a speech that touted 7 million jobs created since the middle of 2003, but failed to mention that most of those jobs were in the service sector market. Jobs such as fast-food worker, phone-sex line operator, tampon factory cleaner, hospital launderette attendant, maggot farmer and gravedigger were vastly becoming Americas most popular and available jobs.
Not phased, Mr. Bush went on. "Just today, we learned that America's economy grew at an annual rate of 3.5 percent in the fourth quarter of 2006," he said. "That means our economy grew at 3.4 percent last year, which is up from 3.1 percent in 2005. Ladies and gentlemen, the state of our economy is strong."
The crowd cheered and women swooned. Dress any man up in a Mr. Kelly suit and walk him into the New York Stock Exchange and he's sure to come out with at least ten phone numbers to get him laid.
"For many Americans, change means having to find a new job, or to deal with a new boss after a merger, or to go back to school to learn new skills for a new career," the president said. "What's so hard about that?"
Democrats say that the problems are actually worse than that, and that job recovery since the last recession has been the slowest on record. But then, what did this president know about having to find a job in the first place?
In other news today, vice president Dick Cheney in Iraq War publicity stunt bets the president that he can masturbate while bungee jumping from the Washington monument.