Written by SamIAm
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Wednesday, 31 January 2007

image for Yankee's British Wife Always Has To Bring Up Revolutionary War When Angry
A "Yank" at the end of his rope.

Fairbury, NE - Fredrick Coleman, 27, has grown "sick and tired" of his British-born wife, Helga, always bringing up the Revolutionary War whenever she gets angry at him.

"It can be over the dumbest things," says Colman. "One time I forgot to take out the trash, when Helga says, 'But you guys didn't forget to dress up like Indians and throw out the tea did you? You were all on top of that one!'"

When Coleman tried to tell her that it wasn't the same thing, she just said, "So, you learned nothing from your own history. Typical, Yank."

"This other time she had asked me to remember to sign my check before I left for work so she could take it to the bank," he continued. "Well, I forgot and left for work without signing it."

Colman says that when he got home his wife "went on and on" about it. "She said, 'Oh, you can remember to have a bunch of old men sign The Declaration of Independence against my homeland, but you can't bring your little Yankee mind to remember to sign our only means of living! We let you have this country, why don't you learn to use it?'"

Coleman states that he wishes his wife could just "let the past be the past."

"I don't bring it up every time," said Helga Coleman, 29. "And, besides, he can be just as bad. One time I was going to go duck hunting with him and I wanted to wear my new, red coat. He told to me take it off and went on to remind me that that was how my people lost the war in the first place - by marching in strait lines in a collected group wearing the brightest color in the world. It was very insulting."

The couple had tried marriage counseling, but since their counselor was a Frenchman he never showed up to help.

"I guess I just have to deal with it on my own," says Coleman. "Right now, we're allies in this world, but there's still the underlying resentment there. It reminds me of some other situation - something greater. But I can't put my finger on it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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