Fergus Falls, Minnesota - It was just another morning of collecting fresh maple syrup for Kenneth "OK" Oakley, or so he thought. As it turns out fate had quite a surprise in store for this 46 year old syrup rustler.
"I'd just tapped a young healthy red and had got a good flow going when I headed over to a new patch of trees that I had never been to before." Kenneth explains. "Then I looked up and there it was, a 20 foot Manitoba Maple sporting just the nicest set of perky little hooters that I'd ever seen. I was so startled I dropped my bucket, dumping its sweet sticky load all over the ground. It's just not something that Maple trees usually have on 'em and these were especially nice and firm looking. I'd say that they were somewhere between Katie Couric and Kate Hudson as far as perkiness goes."
So what did our severely startled syrup securer do next?
"Why I girded up my spigot and tapped the some bitch is what I did. Then I tapped it again for good measure. Hell, I spent the better part of the rest of the morning tapping that thing, truth be told. I eventually was able to fill my bucket up again."
Trees with fully formed human female breasts are an extremely rare occurrence in nature and the phenomenon is considered by biologists to be one of the more unusual naturally occurring mutations in all of botany. But as our friend Kenneth found out, this certainly is one case where the bark wasn't worse than the bite.