Washington D.C. - An announcement at a press conference here may change the circle of friends President Bush has chosen for himself.
Peter Larson, Chief of Operations and White House Communications announced that he was banning the use of chat rooms at the White House due to "over-use of the internet" which lead to more of the taxpayer's money being used to pay the bill.
"The American people do not want their taxes going to pay the internet bill for the White House, which is well over three-hundred hours a month," said Larson. "They want their taxes to pay for the useful things, like high-tech monkey droids that can peel a banana in less than a second. Or better security that allows us to look at their email anytime we please. That kind of thing."
Larson says that last years internet bill at the White House exceeded 1.3 billion dollars.
"That's a lot of money for one house," says Larson. "I won't say who's responsible, but . . . wait . . . I gotta' sneeze . . . ah-ah-ah-ahBUSH! Pardon me."
"This comes as a terrible blow for the President," said a spokesperson for the White House, Charlene Riggs. "President Bush has a hard time making friends. He's a real shy guy. Now where is he going to get the feeling of camaraderie he got in the "Willy's Chat Barn" chat room? Where is he supposed to find friends like ImaBabe232? You tell me where!"
"I'm gonna' miss those guys," says Bush. "Why, just last week in the "Star Wars Bean Bag Room" I had made friends with the coolest guy. His name was Obi Wan Adobe. He was a graphic designer or something like that. Man, I'm gonna' miss him!"
Bush is angered, claiming that the amount of hours he spent in chat rooms was being "misrepresentationalized" by Larson.
"There's no way the bill could be over a billion dollars," Bush says. "And even if it is, I'm mixing with the American public, getting to know how they feel. Where else could you get an honest profile of someone than in a chat room? People never lie online."
The ban will also force other White House employees to seek new friends. These include the computer networkers, grounds-keepers and the janitor, Phil.