Written by NickFun
Print this

Tuesday, 30 January 2007

image for Duke Lacrosse Player accused of Parking Violation.
Local police look for illegally parked vehicles.

After all rape, sexual assault and kidnapping charges against the three defendants in the Duke Lacrosse case had been dismissed, Durham District Attorney Mike Nifong accused Reade Seligmann of parking in a "residents only" space.

"This is utter hogwash", said Seligmann's attorney Jim Cooney. "It's Residents Only during certain hours and my client was clearly parked there after those hours had ended. Nifong can't find my clients guilty of anything else so he's simply trying to find them guilty of something!"

"That's ridiculous", Nifong replied. "It is my job as prosecutor to make sure justice is done. This man was parked in a resident space and he should be punished."

Seligmann contends he did not pull into the parking space until 8:15PM. That's well after the 8PM cutoff for residents. Nifong argues that witnesses have placed Seligmann at the scene as early as 7:45PM.

"I had to park further down the street", said resident George Wallace. "The problem is, I can't be sure it was Seligmann's car. But my wife is sure and she told me".

Wallace's wife was grocery shopping and could not be reached for comment.

Local police say illegal parking has created distress for many residents who have legal parking stickers.

Cooney says if his client is found guilty he will appeal.

Make NickFun's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 2 plus 5?

5 23 11 7
55 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience on our website, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more