Washington DC: Speaking from the White House Press Room, President Bush announced today that the US will do away with the notion of Church and State.
"Jesus came to me in dream last night and told me that he is the true savior, and that he will lead the US to divinity through me" Stated Bush. "From now on the Clergy will replace Senators and Congressmen who are affiliated with the Democratic Party, and in addition to my duties as President, I will become high priest of the United States. To those of you who do not accept Christ as your savior, I direct you to the Patriot act which clearly states that I can have any non-Christian deported and held as an enemy combatant."
Bush later pointed to other examples in an effort to prove his divinity. "In case y'all haven't noticed, I got Saddam, kick started the economy, brought credibility back to the White House, and I lived through an altercation with a pretzel. Damn, if that doesn't mean that I am divine, I challenge you all to give me a reason why I'm not. Not bad for a drunken coke head with an eighth grade IQ huh?"
Bush also announced strict new provisions to be added to the constitution. "From now on, we will have a monarchy, and I will be king. Only those who are born from my seed can legitimately ascend to the throne of the United States.....well, that is unless of course you are part of the noble class that runs Halliburton, or any other top executive from a big US corporation."
Democrats were unable to be reached for comment as shortly following the speech they were rounded up by secret service agents and sent to Guantanamo Bay.