Washington DC - (Rioters): Looking feral and hungry, US President George W Bush asked America to give him one last chance of getting his snout in the trough before admitting himself into a presidential retirement rehab for detox and honing of ghostwriting skills.
"One last hit is all I need", he pleaded as bile oozed from is septum. "Another 3,000 US fatalities and them 'raqi oil wells be dry. Trust me. We need the crude."
"Ah'm pursuin' a diffrint strategy now that Fitzie's torchin' Libby and my Poodle's nearly done for by the extortion ink-wirry. One more snort and I'm a diffrint man. Trust me. Watch me go, 'Murica."
But his pleadings cut no ice with deadpan Democrat leader Nanci Pal OC who has vowed to tax the living daylights out of the US oil industry to finance Hillary Clinton's meteoric rise to 2008 presidential election catastrophe.
The President's State of Union speech was watched by hundreds of millions of his fellow compatriots as well as Mr and Mrs Insomniac of 32 The Willows, Scunthorpe under Lyme, Great Britain who accidentally tuned into a satelittle channel carrying the broadcast before losing the remote-control.