Shelly Angel, a 22 year old former intern of President George W Bush, admitted this afternoon that the Iraq war was caused when Bush was unable to achieve an erection after she snapped her pink thong in his face.
"I...I just wanted to become famous like Monica", Angel, now 26, tearfully confessed. "But when I went into the Presidents office and lifted my dress he just sat there. So I went over to his desk and snapped my thong right in his face. Then I lifted my dress over my head and rubbed my boobs. And still nothing happened! He just sat there with this dumb look on his face. Then he told me to get out of his office. A few hours later he...he...he announced we were going to war!!! I felt so helpless and worthless. All I wanted him to do was let me give him a blow job and put a cigar in me. Now all I have left is an unstained dress".
Psychologist Richard Seltzer said men of Bush's age frequently have trouble achieving erections and this causes them to try other means to prove their "manliness". "Bush is not unique at all", Seltzer said. "Many men with potency problems become aggressive and try to act more 'macho'. The difference here is that the President is the leader of the free world".
An unnamed White House aid and close personal friend of Bush's admitted that Bush has not achieved an erection since 1987. "One dose of Viagra and hundreds of thousands of people would still be alive", the aid admitted.
No charges will be brought against Ms Angel, though the matter has been brought before a special security council. Bush may very well face impeachment for not having sexual relations with the intern. Seltzer has offered Ms. Angel free private counseling in his office.