Princeton University, originally The College of New Jersey, a Protestant seminary in colonial days, has made the brave decision to commit to an austere path; Princeton will freeze its tuition at $33,000. per year.
The Ivory League President Steffia Den-Dow announced the shocking news at a luncheon for alumni billionaires: "We must allow our ivory tower to still be accessible to the poorest of the poor. Our Christian founders, like Rev John Witherspoon,only clergyman to sign the Declaration of Independence, would want it so!".
Princeton which leads the Ivory League in longest vacations and highest inflated GPA's believes this next move will insure its competitiveness.Harvard president Holly R.Den-Dow, twin sister of Steffia and 2nd wife to Casino baron Jones Dow objected to Princeton's decision: "Some may call it price fixing but at the last Tuskers Ball,the annual meeting and dinner-dance for Ivory League administrators, the annual 5% increase was pledged upon the Pachyderm tusks,the sacred symbol that is the origin of the Ivory League denotation".
Yale President Frigidia Den-Dow ,older sister of Steffia and Holly and 3rd wife of Jones Dow, predicted dire straits for the premier colleges: "Kiss the gourmet food box lunches and the champagne tailgate parties goodbye! If we have to compete on academics ,every riff-raff trade school will have us in their sites".