In a stunning development, United States Pro Consul for Iraq, Paul Bremmer announced the capture of former dictator Saddam Hussein. Hussein, known as Scooter by his friends, was interrogated by Coalition Forces about his time on the run.
"I spent some time in Cleveland," Mr. Hussein was quoted as saying, "but man, that is one dead town. I figured that hiding in a hole in a basement in Tikrit for a year was better than one night in that place."
When asked about his health, Mr. Hussein said, "You know, I feel good. I've been working out and watching what I eat and eight months on the run can really melt the pounds off. I'm showered and shaved and ready to meet with my old friend and ally George Bush Sr. I have some things to say to him about his son. That kid is a snot."
President Bush was quoted as saying, "I don't care if we got him or not. I'm not giving it (Iraq) back. I won it and it's mine."
Ahmed Bull Durham, spokesman for the thousands of anti Coalition insurgents, thugs, losers and evil doers, said in a written statement, "Well, I guess that's it. We're all making preparations to go home and study the American Constitution and Bill of Rights. Does anyone know how we can register for the upcoming American elections as Republicans? That George Bush, what a guy."