Written by Pointer
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Topics: Christian

Saturday, 20 January 2007

image for Christ tells Cardinal Egan: I Will Not Be Moved!
Cardinal Egan after reading Christ's website, jcsez.luv

As Cardinal "Fagin", nicknamed for his physical and spiritual resemblance to the pimp of pickpockets in Dicken's Oliver Twist, announced the closing of 21 Catholic parishes in the NY Archdiocese, Christ himself announced on his website(jcsez.luv) that He will remain truly present in the churches Egan is shutting down.

The website features Christ's pronouncements at length. Entitled :If this Pharisee. The Christ in good Baptist style(after all Luke says his cousin was a baptist) delivered a ferverino to rival even Dr King who has a blog link to the Savior's site. Here are some excerpts :

If this Pharisee thinks he can tell me where I can live and where I can't live, he damn better read the Bible-Stables are good enough and no tomb could hold me! If this Pharisee thinks I'm one of those Jews who fled from the South Bronx to Co-op City or LonGIland, he better think again!

SoBro for me, mano!

If this Pharisee thinks he can treat me the way he did those Catholic HS teachers on strike to feed and house their families in the early 80's, he must be high on more than altar wine!

That's when I left his whitened sepulchres and walked the picketline for a living, saving wage! My Papa Joe, you know, was a union carpenter Local 3, Nazareth.

The last reference was to the strike -breaking tactics of "Fagin" when he headed the education dept for the archdiocese. He was once quoted as boasting that the Catholic schools could run on a barebones budget because of their decentralization. A Bronx theology teacher/union rep debated him in the NY Daily News by rebutting: "Yeah, on the barebones of my four children!".

When the Mother of Christ, whose title is most often heard in NY traffic jams, was informed that Mary, Help of Christians Parish was one of the doomed faith communities, she spoke out through her own MySpace: "Listen Fagin (we believe this is the first MySpace reserved by a semi-divine being) I once was a poverty-stricken, unwed teen mom. What have you done for us lately! Save the millions on incense and pedophile lawsuit settlements and let my people in!".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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