President George W. Bush has announced that he has accepted a position/job to become effective after the conclusion of his term of office. Effective February 1st of 2009, Bush will take over as the cheerleader coach at Longhorn High School, near his ranch in Crawford, Texas.
"Everyone knows that I was a cheerleader in college," said the President when accouncing his decision. "I think it is a fine thing. Now, I will be able to work with these fine, young boys and girls and mold them into the solid citizens that my daughters have become."
"There is no truth to the rumor that male cheerleaders are all flaming homosexuals. No, no truth at all. Why, when I would lift a young lady and have my hand firmly placed on her buttocks, staring up at her crotch and thighs, it was the closest thing to a piece of ass I ever got in my early days. I enjoyed it; it was fulfilling."
"There is also no truth to the long standing belief that the young lady cheerleaders have loose morals. No, they were never loose. They wouldn't put out for just anybody, because I could never get some. You had to be a captain or star of the football or basketball team back then, and you have to be one now."
When it was announced at Longhorn High School that the President would take over the position in 2009, there were mixed reactions. Freshmen cheerleader Mandy "Pom Poms" Bennett said, "He isn't going to try to get us into a war with Waco High School, is he? I mean, is he going to say that their football team's defense is a weapon of mass destruction because they always beat us 70 to nothing?"
Sophomore Candy "I'm Dandy" Skirts also had an opinion on the subject. "I'll be a senior in two years when he gets here and I want to go to Hollywood and be in magazines and movies. Will he still have photographers with him everywhere he goes when he isn't President any more? I know that I can give them some photo opportunities they'll never forget!"
Male cheerleader Sandy Bruce shared his opinion when he said, "I'm not a homo. Guy cheerleaders are not gay. Who told you I was a fag? Is Mr. Bush gay? He's got daughters. I think a male cheerleading coach will be a good idea, since he can give us exposure on a national scene and show the world that us male cheerleaders are straight too!"