MANHATTAN, NEW YORK--(BREAKING NEWS) Donald Trump, CEO of the Trump Organization (NASDAQ, TRMP.O), and host of the his own reality show, The Apprentice, was arrested by New York Police after the real estate mogul urinated on daytime host, Rosie O'Donnell, of the The View following a dramatic car chase up lower Manhattan in their limousines.
Both Trump and Rosie were seen racing at high speeds clocked at 90 mph, side-by-side hurling insults & trash at each other. Pedestrians as well as customers, eating along trendy outdoor cafes and eateries, ran for cover as their out of control vehicles, narrowly missed hitting bystanders on sidewalks, crashing through store glass windows and scraping expensive cars.
Garbage & tow trucks snarled mid-morning traffic, bringing it to a stand still as rapid response city maintenance crews from as far away as New Jersey swarmed in to help in the post-spat clean up. Both limos with their injured drivers left twisted and mangled in the middle of Broadway & Seventh ave.
Police Commissioner, Raymond W. Kelly, spoke at a news conference and described the events leading up to the arrest. "At 11:35 a.m. this morning, Donald Trump was seen leaving Le Bernardin French restaurant located at 155 W. 51st St., between Sixth and Seventh Aves. Where he had a pizza and cheeseburgers for breakfast. Before getting into his limo, he stopped to sign autographs for fans. Just at that moment a white limo belonging to Rosie O'Donnell, pulled up on the street. The window in the back seat opened and Ms. O'Donnell began yelling at the Donald, Calling him a "Wop, Ginny, half bald, man-whore, fancy pants, dingo, poo-poo, kaka. Mr. Trump's eyes narrowed. He straightened up and replied, "Fancy Pants? Who are you calling fancy pants? You fat, hog-breath, no-talent, lard-eating, lesbian truck driving, doo-doo, pee-pee...and the same goes for your buddy...Walters!"
"Tension escalated when Rosie spat-off a thick loogie, nailing Trump right between the eyes. Enraged he ran to the back of his vehicle, pulled out a tire iron and hurled it in the direction of Rosie, breaking the back window of her car. The white limo pulled away at a high rate of speed her last salvo of words fading away were, "Donald, you're Fired"! Rosie managed to shove her butt out the back and "mooned" The Donald angering him to no end, jumped back into his car and gave chase."
The incident began at Broadway and W. 51st, south-bound away from Central Park. He continued to trail her for three miles with both cars slamming into one another trying to force each other off the road. Phat Lyah, a truck driver from Queens described what he saw, "They looked like two chariots in a chariot race. Weaving back and forth through heavy traffic, forcing on-coming traffic to swerve and collide into parked automobiles as they did there best to avoid a collision."
The pursuit quickly came to an end when Rosie's driver lost control of the car while rounding Seventh & 43rd street, came onto the sidewalk and crashed into Times Square Deli, ricochet off the wall & rammed into Trump's car causing the white car to burst into flames. Rosie was seen running from the blaze, screaming with her long coat & hair on fire, running down 43rd street trying to put out the flames with Trump, limping on one foot, in hot pursuit of the rotund star.
Police quickly caught up & surrounded the couple. Rosie slipped and fell, still burning. Trump stood over her, unzipped his pants. Rosie looked up at her nemesis and screamed, "Don't shoot, it's almost lunch!" He replied, "Sorry...the kitchens closed!", then, proceeded to liquidate her assets.
Authorities trained there guns on Trump and ordered him to drop his water hose and put his hands up. He blurted out, "You can't order me around. I'm Donald Trump, I'm king of the world!!" as he turned defiantly to face the officers wetting the shoes of New Yorks finest. Police swarmed in and cuffed both Donald's hands & dick, along with the smoldering O'donnell.
The moral of our story: Donald & Rosie, both of you are boring the shit out of us with your playground feud. Since you can't settle your differences like adults...we just did. Britney and Paris...you're next!