Washington DC - (AssoCIAted Mess): President George Bush has spelled out the stark reality of what pulling out the troops from Iraq would mean to the 300 million Americans dependent on the Middle East's crude to fill up their tanks:
"There's far too much oil left in the Baghdad region to justify bringing our boys home", he said.
"And the locals just can't handle all those billions of barrels of proven reserves. Trust me. Another 3,000 troop fatalities and we'll have bled the wells dry."
The announcement was met with approval in Capitol Hill where energy advisers are working on expansion of
new storage facilities designed to accommodate all the crude siphonings that US tankers are bringing in daily.
And as Iraqi civilian casualty numbers mount Vice President Dick Cheney is poised to release new video footage showing that the majority of the country's insurgent troublemakers are holocaust-bashing, North Korean-sponsored Iranian mercenaries in disguise.
"We're good for another 18 months minimum", he commented.