Sanatoriums and mental institutions throughout America are to be emptied of patients in a bold new move to cut the budget and fight the war against terror.
With the news that 20,000 new troops are needed in Iraq, Congress has decreed that elderly war heroes will be shipped overseas to assist with the war effort.
"The infirm and mentally unstable have burdenificated American taxpayers for long enough" said President Bush last night, "And we feel it is time that they started to pay their way as a recompensification. This will save the country squillions of dollars and help crush those beligerentified bastards in Iraq."
The first shipment of wrinklies and nutjobs landed in Baghdad today and were quickly put to work patroling some of the cities meanest streets.
Their commander, Major Bob Thug was full of praise for his geriatric warriors.
"I'm very impressed," he said, as one 93 year old vegetable whizzed by on his mobility scooter. "It takes quite a bit to put these guys down as many of them have Alzheimer's and keep forgetting that they've been shot. In addition, we have attached surface to air missiles to their wheelchairs and they are proving very effective against enemy helicopters."
We asked Frank Nippleclamp who lost a leg at Pearl Harbour, how it felt to be back on the front line. "Where am I?" he replied bravely, before soiling himself and falling asleep.
Captain Jack Thumbscrew, a diabetes sufferer and veteran of the Korean conflict, told us, "I was having a nap after lunch and when I woke up I was on basic manoeuvres in Faluja.....I didn't even get to finish my prunes." he added sadly