In one of the most unusual crime stories of the century, three bodies were found in the resource room of St Salvatore Pointius HS this week. At first everyone including the police were stumped by the grizzly discovery. Little by little, facts began to emerge casting revelatory light on the tragic scene.
The story begins with a Modern Language Chairman,his uncanny resemblance to Don Quijote and incredible stress resulting from his efforts to be more professional. As with the "dried brain syndrome" Cervantes attributed to Sr Quijana , the chairman began to imagine that he was a knight errant. Students later recalled how he would refer to his old truck as Rocinante and how he often marched about the class with a pointer tucked under his arm in lancer-like fashion.
The second player in the tragedy proved to be a very un-Sancho Panza -like colleague. Called Profe by himself and everyone he could persuade to use this nickname, this dynamic language acquisition specialist was obsessed with yoga and wine "tasting". Together they seemed a harmless pair jaunting across the Language dept countryside to the amusement of students and the aggravation of the more professional administration.
Until that is when, entered a young, incredibly beautiful new Spanish teacher. This Dulcinea 's great pulchritude sowed insidious seeds of dissension between Don Q and the muscular Sancho. Each, it appears plotted and planned to capture the heart of the fair lady until the fateful day when each agreed to help the damsel in distress achieve the impossible dream of perfect computer unit plans.
It was there in the dank, dark resource room that our knight and his squire must have come to blows over the love of their lady. Both, it seems, killed each other with the sharp plastic edges of the school's Catholic values statement once hung on the wall of the room.
As for Dulcinea, her suicide note read that she couldn't figure out what was the story with these two old delusional fools but having failed to complete her unit lesson plans for the 25th time she chose to join them in death rather than face the wrath of her very professional supervisor.