Written by Chuck Terzella
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Topics: Death, Eggs

Tuesday, 9 December 2003

South Dakota Republican Congressman William (Wild Bill) Janklow was convicted on Monday, December 8 of 2nd Degree Manslaughter in the death of a 55 year old motorcyclist in August.

Janklow, who has been involved in seven car accidents and received a dozen tickets in the last 11 years said in his defense, " You know, there have been so many (accidents) it's hard to remember exactly what happened. Think about it...you go to the store and buy a dozen eggs, do you remember each one?

"Every good Republican in the great state of South Dakota knows that traffic signs are just suggestions really and anyway, one farmer more or less around here doesn't really make much difference."

Mr. Janklow's attorney, his hand clamped over Mr. Janklow's mouth, responded, " What Mr. Janklow meant to say is that in addition to being a lunatic driver he is a diabetic who hadn't eaten in eighteen hours and suffered memory loss due to low blood sugar. Also, seven car crashes and one death aren't so bad when you think about it. That's a less than 10% kill rate."

Mr. Janklow has indicated he would resign from Congress, even though drop kicking some poor guy with your car doesn't necessarily that you can't be a politician in the United States. After all, it's a free country.

In other news, former Vice President Al Gore has endorsed Howard Dean for President in the 2004 elections. The remaining eight other candidates for the Democratic nomination responded with a collective, "Oh, shit." However, many political analysts are divided over how important Mr. Gore's endorsement is. One un named source said, " Of course, one the one hand, the endorsement is good for Mr. Dean, but not if it means we have to sit through a bunch of speeches by Vice President Gore. The guy could put a speed freak to sleep."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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