Written by queen mudder
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Topics: New York, Manhattan

Monday, 8 January 2007

image for One bad smell in Manhattan: 'Chelsea stinks'
Bum-bandits from Queens have been blamed for the stench

New York, NY - (Ass Mess): A foul gas-like stench in the Chelsea area of Manhattan has been traced to the local Department of Homeland Insecurity office in charge of authenticating Larry Silverstein's property ownership claims of the Ground Zero site.

A 200 yard exclusion zone has been cordoned off around the area while FBI officials begin a probe centred on forged documents that saw Silverstein bag a multi-billion dollar double-whammy insurance pay-out following the 9/11 attack.

The stink got so bad this morning that Mayor Bloomberg ordered the evacuation of a number of surrounding buildings after residents' paranoia that it was a gas bomb let off by Al-Qaeda sympathisers masquerading as waiters at the newly opened Gordon Ramsay at The London restaurant in the London NYC Hotel.

Then one rabid evangelical TheoCon blamed divine retribution for the heinous depravity of some locals: "Pat Robertson warned us this would happen, it's God's way of punishing idolators and bum-bandits from Queens. The gas will kill everybody like in the Holocaust."

Several thousand New Yorkers were evacuated and commuter train services between New York and New Jersey halted while the panic spread and worried gas officials checked their connections before giving the all-clear.

Eventually the stench was pronounced a harmless man-made type of stink that had plagued the area last August.

"It might be drains, it might be other sanitation problems, we just don't really know yet", said Bloomberg. "All the signs are that Chelsea should be avoided at all costs until the weather changes.

"And Larry Silverstein is gonna need a damned good lawyer."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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