US Army sent re-enlist letters on the day after Christmas to 75 dead and 200 wounded Iraq War veterans, giving new meaning to the Army of the Dead.
December 26 is honored as the Feast of the Massacre of the Innocents remembering the story from Matthew's Gospel where Herod kills all babies of 1 year or less to try and destroy the prophesied Messiah. When reminded of this coincidence, paraplegic LT Bob Upndown even found time for a little levity. I guess Herod was more merciful than King George, Herod only killed people 1X.
Us Army spokesperson,Capt. Bubbles La Due tried to explain: "Look when you have this many dead and wounded do you know how hard it is to keep track!? Some of the things those families said to me on the phone after receiving our letter did not, let's say, reflect the Christmas spirit. Marine spokesperson, Bunny La Reaux, refused to admit this was an error: " Once a Marine always a Marine, Semper Fi!"
Always on the look out for a conspiracy, professional liberal, Michael Moore exhorted: "Can't you see what they are doing?! It's another fraud perpetrated by Bush, Cheney and Haliburton! If you send dead people to war then you don't have to count them in the list of fatalities when they get killed. You can use the same body bag and coffin so it's big savings for W and his filthy rich comrades!"
The army will draft an apology to the families and is asking the public for some suggestions on what this letter might look like. Capt La Due was quoted as saying off the record: "We fucked this up so bad, even The Spoof 's writers could do better..."