Written by King David
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Saturday, 6 January 2007

image for Democratic Congress Passes Law Requiring All Supreme Court Justices Get Drug Tested
All Supreme Court Justices Will Have To Pass A Drug Test

The democratic congress didn't waste any time getting started today when they passed legislation requiring all Supreme Court justices to be drug tested before taking their seats on the bench. This comes in the wake of the discovery that the late Chief Justice William Rehnquist had been on drugs for the most part of his 36 years as a Supreme Court justice.

"This has tremendous repercussions," said Alexander Charms, a Durham, North Carolina, lawyer. "This is a man who was having paranoid delusions while serving as a legal advisor for the 1964 Barry Goldwater presidential campaigne."

It was revealed recently under the Freedom of Information Act that the former Chief Justice had been on a drug called Placidyl and had been taking 1400 milligrams, or three times the recommended dosage. Placidyl is a pain killer that was prescribed by White House physician at the time, Ramond Scary, and was used by the former Chief Justice to relieve chronic back pain which had plagued him ever since he became glued to a chair at Harvard.

It was reported that the high dosage of Placidyl caused delirium in the former Chief Justice and on one occasion made him go into the lobby of the Supreme Court in his pajamas in order to escape imaginary people he thought were plotting against him.

In fact, the affected justice was said to have jumped up after the decision of landmark case, Roe vs Wade and grabbed his head with both hands, running out of the judges chamber and down the aisle of the courtroom repeating the mantra, "Row, Row, Row! God is going to get me. God is going to get me. Row! Row! Row! God is going to get me. God is going to get me...."

Political Historian, Dr. Shelly Weiss said that it was a scary prospect when you consider the fact that in the White House you had Richard Nixon at the time, a pathological liar and in the Supreme Court you had Rehnquist a drug addict suffering from delirium. No wonder this country is so fucked up! Washington hasn't recovered since!

In other news today, a woman's aborted fetus comes back to haunt her after it is terminated one week after the period allowed by law in Roe vs Wade.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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