No stranger to the surgical processs, Vice President Dick Cheney was rushed to Baltimore memorial hospital when it became readily apparent that his trademark "growl" look wouldn't leave his face after a spewing a barrage of profane words.
Marjorie Whitman, an aide, commented , "After a frank discussion with Governer Dean, Mr. Cheney growled at him, but then his face simply stayed that way, he tried pushing it back to normal, but couldn't. Another aide added, "We tried showing him some Fox News reports, just to soothe his face muscles, but nothing was helping." Whitman and her staff immediately rushed Cheney to the team which performed his 4th heart surgery. They were shocked, but diagnosed the situation within moments.
Mark Furran, facio-muscular surgeon, had this to add, "It was clear that conventional procedures were inadequate for this particular case. Luckily, I have had prior experience with poltical figures and face issues, Donald Rumsfeld was sent in here, when he tried to smile." Doctors worked around the clock relaxing Cheney's muscles, and were able to return it to the natural frown. Doctors gave him a conditional bill of health, only after prescribing him a maximum of 25 f*cks, sh*ts, sons of bitches, and c*cksuckers per week. In addition, doctors recommended he tell the truth once in a while.
Those closest to him have already weighed in, President Bush assured the public that everything was in order, "I'd like to let everyone know the Vice President's language is in no danger of weakening. Any swear reduction would be like handing over our country to the terrorists. You should hear the they way they talk over there."
The Censor board trainee program gave a collective sigh of relief upon learning the vice president would still be capable of at least some swearing. A new graduate, Mary Shannon said, "I've worked so hard for 2 long years, it'd be my dream to work the buttons on our Vice President, you can just never fall asleep at the wheel with him."
Finally, his close friend, Harry Whittington, was quickly at his side during the ordeal and proudly said, "I new he'd pull through this, but I brought my gun just in case, a good shot in the face can cure almost anything. I should know."