Washington - President Bush announced today that he would no longer push for war with Iraq after reading a protest sign by an anti-war protester.
"This morning," says Bush, "I had every intention of further pushing America into a conflict with Iraq. However, after seeing the protester's sign, I decided that they were right all along."
Bush stated that the protest sign which changed his mind said, "No War!"
"It really struck me in a way that no other protest sign has," says Bush, "I've seen signs, such as: A bullet in hand is worth two in a Bush! and, This war isn't about Iraq's ailments. It's about Bush's gas! Those were meaningless to me. But this one. It really hit home."
The protester, Jerry Nollan, who had made up the slogan and created the sign was pleased. "I always knew I could make a difference in this world other than just delivering pizzas," he bragged, "but who would have thought that my little sign would change the mind of the most powerful person in the world." Then, he added, "And her son, George's mind, too."
Nollan stated that he had come up with the slogan after seeing how effective the "Got Milk" campaign was.
"I had considered using, Got Peace? 'Cos Iraq don't got weapons! But I decided that wasn't clever enough," says Nollan, "then I asked my two year-old brother what he would write, and he said: 'goo-goo ga-ga'. That's when it hit me."
Other protesters were angry that their signs did not help change Bush's mind.
"I spent three hours painting, Killing People Only Causes Litter Problems! on my chest," whined twenty year-old, Samuel Willkens. "Now, some nobody comes along with his fancy markers and high-and-mighty Wal-Mart poster board and takes away my potential fame and camera time!"
The Secret Service captured Nollan in order to, as they said, "Give him the reward he deserves". Nollan could not be found for further comment.
"He's an outstanding lad," bragged Bush. "Amercia and Iraq owe Mr. Nollan a great debt. He has saved us from war, and has stopped me from making a terrible mistake. We will not go to war with Florida! Or was it France? Hell, let's go after France!"