Written by Martin Kugler
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Topics: The Spoof, Pentagon

Saturday, 6 December 2003

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Spoof reporter Rumsfeld

The Pentagon has announced a review of internal security following the revelation of the identity of an undercover reporter for The Spoof. Donald H. Rumsfeld has been working as Secretary of Defense at the Pentagon since January 2001 after applying using a false reference.

A Congress spokesman told us that the Security Commission would conduct a thorough review. He said employment checks on the man were "insufficient" but appropriate criminal checks were carried out.

Meanwhile the President carried on with his engagements, saying that security had never been at risk, as Rumsfeld did not have access to vital information.

Unofficial sources at The Spoof have indicated that their reporter Rumsfeld managed to get a job despite unprecedented security arrangements throughout the administration.

The White House later said that it would not rule out taking legal action against the website.

Officials said that while the day-to-day police protection of the President was crucial, checks on other people who work closely alongside members of the administration were also "key" and confirmed that there was a comprehensive system of security and criminal checks as well as normal employment checks - "in these circumstances even more vital".

Security and criminal checks on Mr. Rumsfeld were carried out "robustly and correctly," our sources told us. "But the employment checks proved insufficient."

After the election of George W. Bush, Rumsfeld responded to a job advertisement for the Pentagon. On his CV, he left out any mention of his journalistic career at The Spoof and included one fake reference and one real, it was revealed.

Investigators indicated that "It's quite clear that the man is not a terrorist and he's not a criminal. But it's most unfortunate that the Pentagon has employed a journalist and we are sure that those who have that responsibility will want to look carefully at their processes and procedures."

Unofficial sources at The Spoof said it used "very basic subterfuge and got incredible access. To our surprise and then mounting horror we discovered that our man with no training, no experience at all, no real vetting was in very close proximity to the most important people in the world."

The reference checking was described as "scandalous" and "shoddy".

The Spoof denies any wrongdoing or criminal intent.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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