BURROW, Alaska - As the ice caps begin to melt, the indigenous people near the North Pole are more willing to pay top dollar for an appliance that was previously unnecessary: refrigerators. Though many environmentalists consider the purchases not only troubling but a warming sign, President George W. Bush has a slightly different perspective.
"This just proves my point that the economy is improving. We opened up a brand new market that was never tapped before. When the oil runs out this will bring in lots of revenue," said George W. Bush. He argues that making the refrigerators will not be expensive but quite profitable.
"Halliburton can manufacture the machines in Santa's Workshop for pennies and charge a million per unit. It will not take much to ship as we no longer need ships with expensive ice breakers. Profits will be through the roof." The President was later told that Santa's Workshop did not really exist. Though he was devastated to learn this he ignored skeptics and said his words were final.
Environmentalists, who were already discouraged that President Bush does not want scientists to recognize geology as legitimate science, are disgruntled that the president is using global warming to make a cheap buck off of indigenous peoples and the death of the planet. Bush countered these critics with his infamous smirk, saying, "I'm a chip Abramoff the old block, you might say."
The fictitious group People for Polar Bears released a statement saying that the Polar Bears want their ice back. Tony Snow replied, "how much are they willing to pay for it?"