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Topics: Drugs, Radio

Thursday, 28 December 2006

image for Kleer Channel To Play More Variety On Radio Stations
In the words of Nelly Furtardo, it's "Shit on the radio"

Micanopy, FL - Kleer Channel announced today that it will start playing a greater variety of music on its radio stations. Kleer Channel spokesperson Debbie Dallas admitted that things were getting rather stale and that its classic rock stations would increase their play lists from 12 songs to hundreds of songs. She said that currently each classic rock station plays 3 Pink Floyd songs, 4 Bob Seeger songs, 3 Led Zeppelin songs, 2 Boston songs, and added that is all they played over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Asked if this had anything to do with the growth of satellite radio she replied that Kleer Channel was indeed influenced by that growth but added that her company was investing in the new radio technology and that when they take over more than 50 per cent of the two satellite companies that their play list for all stations would be reduced to 6 songs. She stated that this is the most efficient way to go and that it appeals greatly to the lowest common denominator.

I asked her if the boring and horrible talk shows they have on Sunday mornings will be eliminated as well as the sophomoric Rob and Dom show and she seemed surprised and wondered out loud if there might be others bored to tears with these shows because they were actually contemplating expanding those sleep and vomit inducing programs .

When asked why they no longer play songs like the Byrd's "Eight Miles High" she reminded this writer that such songs promote drug usage and appealed only to long haired pinko commie maggot infested hippy types. She said that the stations drug test all of their employees on a daily basis with a system where you have to pee into a cup electronically attached to a door locking system and if the test fails the DJ cannot get into the studio.

I then asked her if the people at the top of the corporation are drug tested also. She said that there was no need to because they are in charge and expect their employees to do as they are told and not to do something simply because management might do it.

At this point I lost my temper and I started to lecture her. I said its funny how we drug test the peons in our society who because of their lack of position and power are not really in a position to do much harm. I asked her, "Is it not strange how we do not drug test politicians and judges and legislators - both at the state and national level?"

We just simply trust these politicians who control our lives and freedoms and the nuclear arsenal and the future of the planet. And the same at the corporate level. I told her of a person who lived near me who drug tests employees in the field with a drug test kit and had them fired if they failed and then at night would go home and fire up a marijuana joint. I also mentioned how both the Florida and Louisiana State legislatures had both turned down drug testing for themselves. I did not forget to mention also that a group in Italy had taken hair samples of almost every Italian lawmaker and found that 70 per cent of them showed positive for drug use on the secret drug tests.

Her answer was, "whatever".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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