In the wake of the news from Washington today that George Bush was having an affair with Lola a.k.a. Mark Foley, Christians nationwide are worried that they are going to be found out.
"Now that the president has stepped forward," said one Lola, "people are going to be looking for more of us."
Me Shafther, resident Lola of the Hopeless Valley Non-Community in Zion, North Carolina can't wait to leave church on Sunday and go home to a 12-pack of beer and professional football.
"That's my true religion," he said. "beer and football. I leave church early to catch the kickoff of the game. All that do-gooder bullshit that I hear in church doesn't amount to squat. It's on the playing field that these kids are getting the real lessons of how to survive in the wilderness."
Reporters here at The Spoof do agree that it is a wilderness in the world right now where survival of the fittest mastodons and troglodytes rule and are preying on angels and practicing a wicked form of pre-historical Social Darwinism and that children do need to be taught these skills, but we ask at what price?
If it means condemning another religion, or race of people as pestilence, or cardboard house-living, stereotypes to distance ourselves and justify obliterating them off the face of the world, that runs counter to our counter intuitive intelligence, so that means it runs correctly in the eyes of a few, fundamentalists.
Dressing a country up like Iraq to be some plastic love doll, some den of unbridled lust, seems silly and a bit unremarkable, but a third of all Americans, including your gay President, feel that the Iraqi invasion was sanctified by God and that Iraqis, because they are smelly, dirty and have funny sounding accents and worship false gods are not worthy to stand trial in the eyes of a just God that might even bestow a little Grace every now and then.
We're also a little miffed at Texas-based author and preacher, Michael Evans for his doom and gloom fear mongering and prophesy of Armageddon setting the stage for American, global hegemony involving America's CIA, Army and the Israeli government in ethnic cleansing initiatives.
Your Jesus is a Minuteman III ICBM (Intercontinental Ballistic Missile) missile. Ours is a man, well, sometimes.