Written by King David
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Tuesday, 26 December 2006

image for Bush Admits Affair With Lola A.K.A. Mark Foley; Jealous Rove Threatens To Become Another Washington "Deep Throat"
Finally, We May See An End To All The Persecution

The Republican Party known for its tribade salaciousness and back door buggery took another severe hit today after the president came out of the closet and admitted to an affair with former Florida congressman, Mark Foley. "I just couldn't keep living a lie," he told reporters. "I wanted to come clean with the American people."

This confession by the president comes in the wake of a previous admission several weeks ago to being a "Vagina Warrior" and has critics confused about who the president really is.

"We don't even think the president knows at this point," said Democratic front man, Oscar Hammerstein. "We're still looking for a straight answer."

In this climate of "show-n-tell" leadership that has pervaded the Washington gay community recently, it's hard to know which side of the fence anyone is sitting on, or whose lap anyone is sitting on for that matter.

"It's a very exciting time to be in Washington right now. No one knows what is going to be happen next. It does have everyone a little on edge though," admitted Hammerstein.

Vice President Dick Cheney who is used to playing the role of "father" and patching up snafus among Washington's elite said, "We're more concerned with consistency at this point and we certainly don't want rumors going around that the Grand Old Party (GOP) is a party of Queens. That would ruin us. Having an openly gay daughter and being in the position that I am in has provided me plenty of opportunity to exercise my dipstick, oh, I meant to say diplomatic skills," he told reporters. "Freudian slip."

The affair began last year after the congressman stopped by the president's office for cocktails and scones from Ho's bakery and to deliver some papers that needed to be signed. He was said to have found the president and chief adviser, Karl Rove in a compromising position on an 18th century couch in the Oval office.

"Now, you guys have done it!" he was reported to have exclaimed. "Those stains will never come out of that old bitch!" Apparently, Foley was referring to the couch when he used the word, "bitch."

Foley was reported not to have done anything else at the time, but called the president back later asking if he would meet him at a local, gay club in Dupont Circle.

The affair ignited after several hours of conversation at a well known, Washington gay establishment, The Playbill Café and both men admitting to feelings of attraction to the other. It was also reported that Foley may have used his deputy whip in the House of Representatives and promised the president unlimited access to his directory of pages and gay Florida nude beaches, to influence Boy Bush.

The affair, lasting for a little more than three months, apparently ended after Karl Rove became jealous and threatened to spill the seeds, "oh, I mean beans, Freudian slip" and be another Washington "Deep Throat" telling all about the affair.

Critics of the president's policy toward gays and lesbians say it doesn't make sense that he has been so vehemently outspoken against the groups.

But commenting on this issue is chief psychologist at Bethesda Naval Hospital in Merryland, Dr. Sigmund Soda.

"Frequently, when a person exhibits this kind of deep hatred toward another group, it is indication of the same kind of behavior that this person is unwilling to accept in themselves. It comes from a theory called transference. What needs to happen is that the president needs to accept those characteristics in himself. Now, that the president has come out of the closet we are hoping that he will no longer feel those conflicting feelings and that the persecution of marginalized groups like gays and lesbians will stop."

But historian and archivist, Bob Rapwitness stated: "This task will be easier said than done. Society puts a lot of pressure on individuals to conform. It always has. Ever since the triumph of Christianity in Western Europe, anyone who was creative, or challenged the authority of the church was persecuted. There's definitely a long history of censorship and buggery that will be hard to turn around."

Rapwitness provided us with the following examples of gay historical figures, persecuted for their gayness:

  • Greek poet and '10th muse,' Sappho of Lesbos
  • Greek philosopher and founder of the Socratic method, Socrates (sentenced to death for "corrupting Athen's youth.") and Plato, his student
  • Alexander The Great who mourned the death of his lover, Hephaestian with extravagant funeral rites
  • Italian iconoclast and founder of modern sculpture, Donatello who produced the famed nude, bronze sculpture, "David"
  • "Universal genius" and Renaissance Man, Leonardo Da Vinci who was imprisoned for sodomy
  • And even William Shakespeare whose plays and funny leotards encompassed the full range of human life, some with ambiguous plots in which a boy actor plays a girl disguised as a boy. His Sonnets also describe his love for his "Master-Mistress" as well as a "Dark Lady." Since there were not too many Moors in London during the 16th century, we know that the "Dark Lady" was probably not African American."


What an odd name for a gay man, "Shakespeare," and, yes, what a queer name for a Queen, "Bush."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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