Written by Armedus Chunsky
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Sunday, 24 December 2006

image for Rev. Pat Robertson to Bench Press 2007 Pounds
God will give him the divine strength to bench press mountains

Pat Robertson is accepting the challenge of critics who say that he made up the story that his energy drink, or Jesus Juice if you will, allowed him to bench press 2000 pounds when the best weightlifter in the world can only bench press no more that 1,000 pounds, tops. Robertson said that as a new year's stunt he will bench press 2007 pounds to usher in the New Year, believing that God will give him the divine strength to bench press mountains.

However, it is more likely that by the end of this event, his legs will not only be broken but shattered into splinters and his muscles will resemble a pudding-like substance. Still, Rev. Robertson wants to prove his critics wrong. "I am not going to be punished for dividing God's land like Sharon was," said Robertson. Air America radio host Al Franken responded, "No, Pat is going to be punished for dividing his legs in the splits position."

Las Vegas odds makers predict that like the New Year's ball, Robertson's legs will fall, and like the glass the ball is made out of, will shatter into a million pieces.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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